End Stage Renal Disease

My kidney disease was a gradual process...one that began years ago when I was misdiagnosed in my late teens. At that time, I was put on a drug therapy program which spanned more than a decade. It wreaked havoc on the organs which desperately tried to rid my body of the toxic effects of medications that I never should have been on. It's hard not to feel anger and regret over the medical mistakes made, but I'm pretty much past those feelings now. It's senseless to hold on to feelings that have no place to go and for which nothing can be done. Instead, I am extremely grateful to those physicians who turned my situation around and those who are now doing all they can to assure I will survive in as healthy a way as is possible.

There are five stages or levels to chronic kidney disease. At the top of the ladder, stage one, your kidney is in prime working condition. At the bottom, at stage five, your kidneys have failed to work properly and you need dialysis or a transplant. I am at stage five now. My nephrologist, a kidney specialist, highly recommends I seek a transplant. My basic good health, age, and opportunity for a favorable outcome, if I choose this route, all influenced this advisement.

My first reaction at the news was shock and a sense of pure dread. I knew I had been feeling very fatigued and vaguely ill for some time, but I wasn't ready to hear that I was at the point where this option for a kidney transplant was on the immediate horizon. I thought I would have many more years to keep going in a "holding pattern."

I spent the first few days after receiving the medical verdict seriously worried about dying. Outwardly, I think was coming across as pretty calm and stoic. Inwardly, I was freaking out. It takes some time to let this kind of news settle and face it with a degree of rationality!

I've since been in contact with Johns Hopkins Hospital and filled out the intial paperwork to get started on the transplant process. Many tests are required to see if a transplant is a viable option, afterwhich a living donor, if available, will be tested to see if he or she is a good match. My daughter has offered to be my donor. How incredibly generous and loving is that!?! Kevin is standing by my side through all of this, too. I am so fortunate to have both my daughter and my husband's total love and support.

So this is the beginning...I'm reading up on any information I can about the process and I will definitely be interested in joining a support group if we find that the transplant is indeed the path I will take. It's difficult to talk about such issues, but I learned long ago, it's more difficult still, especially in the long run, to keep things bottled up inside.

In the meantime, I continue to appreciate each day for the gifts and opportunities it brings.