Coming soon...

Crocus sprouts push their way up!

It's official...Spring may not yet be here, but our crocuses, early harbingers of Spring are starting to sprout! It was as warm as a Spring day here today. Temperatures were up in the mid 60s, the sun was shining and the birds were cheerfully singing. Over the weekend, Kevin and I even saw a ground hog lumbering along the side of the highway, already awake from its winter time slumber. Who knows maybe Puxatawney Phil's prediction for an early spring this year really will come true!

Cuddle Time

Sleepy eyed and ready for a nap

Sweet dreaming snugglers

Litter mates as kittens, bed buddies as adult cats...here are a couple of cute shots of
our girls Pacey and Jasper doing what they love to do best...cuddle! :)

One Year Anniversary!

It's been a whole year! A year ago today my daughter donated her kidney to me so that I could continue to live and enjoy the life I'm so blessed to have a second chance at enjoying and filling with meaning. With my husband Kevin and Desirae's boyfriend Steve by our sides, my daughter and I made it through our surgeries and onto the road of recovery and beyond. I'm just so happy to be here now, sitting and writing this blog!

Rather than recount the whole experience, I thought I'd share ten highlights from what was a most surreal experience, those things I found most touching, funny or just plain memorable.

Kidney Transplant Top 10 Memories

1. How courageous Desirae was ... I was and am so very proud of her!
2. Being rolled back into the operating room and then greeted by my surgeon, Dr. Desai, definitely my medical hero.
3. Seeing Kevin's face and holding his hand when I woke up hours later in the ICU.
4. The nurses and medical techs on the transplant unit ~ their kindness and their skill.
5. The visiting doctor and his posse of medical interns - literally a crowd of smiling and studious faces at my bedside every morning.
6. The snow, who could forget the blizzards of February 2010! I watched from my hospital window as the snow fell and fell and fell from the winter sky, engulfing everything in white.
7. The Johns Hopkins Cupola and the twinkly, shining lights from the city of Baltimore I could see outside my window. They gave me a sense of tranquility and brightened my sleepless nights.
8. Feeling Desirae's kidney literally purring as it got right to work in my body. Lefty, as we affectionately call my new little powerhouse of a kidney because she had been Desirae's left kidney, is definitely an overachiever. The day after Lefty was implanted in my body, my kidney function was back to normal ... utterly amazing!!!
9. The overwhelming feeling of gratitude ~ for life, for my daughter's generosity, for Kevin's love and support, and for the fine medical care.
10. The long climb that we made up our steep, snow covered drive once home from the hospital. I was experiencing audio hallucinations of a most pleasant kind- ethereal music so soothing and enchanting, and a little scary once I realized I was the only one hearing it, but it was really pretty! Desirae was helped up the drive first with Kevin and Steve on either side of her for support and balance. When she was safely indoors, it was my turn. In what seemed like an agonizingly slow shuffle, Kevin and Steven braced me on either side and we clumped up the hill. At the midway point, I was so exhausted and I just broke out into laughter. A week prior, I'd had kidney transplant surgery, was barely able to walk yet, and here I was now trudging up the driveway in a blinding snowstorm. My laughter was as much a celebration as it was a result of the absurdity of the situation we were all in at that moment. If I could make it up that hill and into the cabin without coming apart at the seams (literally!) I felt like I could make it through anything.

So now, at this one year anniversary mark, there is even more to celebrate. Desirae is doing phenomenally well. Despite minor set-backs from time to time and dealing with the typical side effects that almost all transplant patients face, I am fine - still here, still trudging up that driveway, although now without the angelic music accompaniment :), still loving life and always forever grateful to all who were a part of this process - my medical team, my family and friends, who were there, if not literally, in spirit, for what I can best understand as an unforgettable miracle.

Oh, the photograph at the top of the blog ~ one of my favorite things I just wanted to share.

Battle Weary

It seems altogether fitting that we use military references and jargon to describe our own physical health challenges. The experience of kidney failure and uremia prior to receiving a transplant was draining, tiresome, and scary. Be as they were, these symptoms allowed me to fully acknowledge the dire need for surgery.

I had a most powerful ally going into surgery - my spit-fire, super healthy and strong daughter, a life saving ally who donated her own kidney so that I could continue on. Both of us successfully made it through our surgical experience ... Desirae's wounds healing quickly, allowing her to be back on her feet within weeks. With a healthy kidney now at full function in my body, I was equipped with the reinforcement needed to continue on with the good fight to better health. Desirae and I were further reinforced by her boyfriend and my husband, invaluable partners to our success.

My campaign to better health has been long and slow and not free of it's own pitfalls and backslides. Currently, I'm dealing with yet another UTI, very common in transplant patients. This time around, just a little over a month since the last UTI, I'm on a higher dose of antibiotic to combat the infection. The very medication that knocks out the infection, is so strong in and of itself that it weakens the body and leaves one feeling fatigued and battle worn. Today, when I told him how I felt, Kevin answered that the only thing I could do was to "soldier on," and, he's so right. When the going gets tough, the tough get going - and keep marching on.

Years ago, my Mother accompanied me to the hospital when I underwent surgery to remove a sinus cyst. The surgery was dangerous because of the location of the cyst, very close to the brain. It's always scary to be informed of the risks prior to any surgery, but the benefits of a successful procedure are generally worth the potential risk. A decision is made to go ahead and keep the faith, with hope that the end result is successful. This surgery resulted in the desired outcome - the cyst successfully removed, the pain and swelling in my face gone, and the ability to breathe made easy again. After I came out of recovery and was wheeled out to the waiting room, where my Mom patiently waited, I'll never forget what she said. With a relieved look on her face and a twinkle in her eye, she exclaimed happily, "There's my little Spartan!" Her comment made me laugh, but I knew it was a huge compliment coming from my Mother who had survived more than her own share of surgeries and medical issues including bone tuberculosis as a child, multiple stomach surgeries, and breast cancer as an older woman. She was a medical veteran who'd earned all the honors one could hold as a victorious hero of many a long, hard fought battle.

My Mother's been my inspiration and guardian angel through my own long drawn out medical battles. I grew up watching her fight, conquer, and thrive. Despite major physical illness and handicap, she powered on, living life to the fullest and never giving in to the struggles. She reached 81 years of age, truly miraculous for the harrowing ordeals she faced. Through her example, I learned one must persevere despite hardship. No matter how exhausting the battles or how long the road traveled may be, it's worth any struggle for the rewards of enjoying life are so many.

Battle weary from yet another fight I may be, but, it's time to put any complaint aside, be ever thankful to be here, and soldier on!

Forever in Our Hearts

Jeff, Me & Desirae in 1988

Two years ago today, we lost a mountain of a man, loved by so many and so very much so by me ... my big brother Jeff.

Jeff meant so many things to so many people - he was a son, brother, husband, step-father, favorite uncle, trusted companion, best friend, informal counselor, air force veteran, artist, teacher, skilled woodworker, inventor, sailor, tall tale teller and simply an irreplaceable force in our lives! He was a brilliant man, largely self taught, who read voraciously. Jeff had a heart of gold and a laugh that could cheer a whole room. Even though he was often the center of attention, he had an uncanny knack of making you feel like there was no one more important than you. Jeff was undeniably one of life's best. Those of us who were lucky enough to have him a part of our lives were forever touched by his kind, generous spirit.

Jeff was my hero when I was a little girl, my guiding light when I was down or having hard times, and always my friend. He was by no means perfect, but it's impossible not to remember him as being pretty close to it as far as being the best big brother ever. He would never want anyone he loved to be sad or to mourn him, so I try my best simply to celebrate him and his life...a life that was full and one I was so fortunate to be a part of.

Unlike the February 2nd Jeff passed on ... today, the ground hog predicted an early spring. As a teller of tall tales himself, Jeff would be smiling a big Cheshire Cat smile to know that.

Jeff's spirit shines on, as bright as the sunny days he loved so much. He's very missed, but forever in our hearts.