Nine Months and Flying Onward

Today is nine months to the day I had my kidney transplant. On the morning of February 8, the day of the operation, I got a last call from a nurse coordinator at Johns Hopkins making sure that we would all be able to make it to the hospital. We were facing the infamous blizzards of 2010 and already over a foot of snow had fallen in Maryland. Kevin and Desirae's boyfriend had shoveled the drive and the local roads were in drivable shape, so I told her we were ready to take the long drive to Baltimore and would be on time for our surgeries - Desirae my donor and me the grateful recipient.

At the news that we'd be able to make it in, the nurse coordinator suddenly became very emotional. She told me I would be like a butterfly after receiving my new kidney, that it would be like coming out of a long sleep and springing back to life again. I appreciated her sentiment, but could not fully comprehend the meaning of her kind, colorful words. I did find them very encouraging though, and the imagery stuck in my mind.

Immediately after surgery, I was indeed happy all went well for both my daughter and me, but I felt the furthest thing from a graceful butterfly. I was in horrible pain, couldn't move around well, and it took quite some time to even approach feeling human again. All the medicines I now had to take to prevent my body from rejecting the kindest gift of all, it's new kidney, initially made me feel sick, unsteady, and bloated. What was this about being like a butterfly???

Well, after nine months, I finally get it...

The gift of continued life and the chance of a long life of relatively good health is like being given a pair of wings to fly. It is enchanting and beautiful - a feeling of grace and light. Before the surgery, life was fraught with dread and fear and limitations. Now, I look forward to new opportunities and new ways to express my gratitude for this "second chance." Life after transplant surgery truly can be viewed as emerging from dormancy to a new perspective on life - a life where the only thing stopping you from doing what you want to do or becoming who you want to be is yourself - illness no longer impedes you or troubles your thought processes as it did before. It's very liberating! And, like a butterfly, you are free.